I have just been married to a man I loved dearly and everything was just perfect! We had virtually everything and lacked nothing. The first year went by, then the second and the third… It had been quite nice, but at this point, fear, is beginning to set in.
I am still not pregnant! Not that I was, then miscarried. No, I haven’t taken in at all! At first I had no fears because I was just 25 when I got married 3 years back, young, in my prime and still looking incredibly attractive at 28.
However, I worried. By the fifth year, in-laws have started the usual stuff like I was expecting. I was fine with everyone who came around me. I mean, I enjoyed the love of the family, brother-in-laws and my husband had been such an amazing young man.
Gradually, we started questioning ourselves, went for medical check-ups, did some kind of medical stuffs, all to no avail. At this point, my husband started getting pressure from his people. Although he tried as much as he knew how to, to withstand such pressure but, gave in after a while. This became my greatest torment!!
“It’s been 8 years of marriage; I have spent most of the nights with you yet, no child. What should I still be doing with you?” That was what he yelled at me that faithful night. To my unimaginable unbelief and for the first time in 8 years, the shepherd became the fierce lion.
My parents couldn’t say much because time or will I say, “the odds” are really against me. There was nothing medically wrong with the both of us.
I had been a Christian for quite some time but, hadn’t gone through this type of test. Although just like the regular person who will say; I go to church every Sunday. I prayed the much I knew, but cried most of the nights. Can’t begin to say all the horrible things I had been experiencing from the one I called LOVE, and the in-laws that once blew my mind with love. At some point, I felt like taking my own life. But then, wouldn’t that make matters worse? Who would have believed what I had gone through to have made such decision? To those who had loved me from a distance, what or how would they feel? All these and more where questions I asked myself daily.
The only things that got me going all these years were encouragement from friends and family who knew and cared about my situation and of-course, God’s Grace. At this point, I summoned courage and said to myself, “What’s the worst that could happen, having been through all these shame and disgrace for 10 years now?” At this point I had been tagged “barren!”
To be Continued…To be Continued…